


the valley in my soul

by seren_ccd



Category: Primeval
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-30
Updated: 2011-06-30
Packaged: 2017-10-20 21:23:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/217228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seren_ccd/pseuds/seren_ccd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They are rescued on day ninety-nine. This is what happens on days zero to ninety-eight. Jess/Becker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the valley in my soul

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: They are not mine.  
> Spoilers: Everything up to season five, episode three.  
> A/N: This just sort of happened. I really have no excuse for myself. beta'd by the amazing fringedweller.

She isn’t supposed to be here. Out in the field.

Not really.

But, Burton had asked. _Insisted_. So she’s here.

And then she isn’t.

The creature advances, they open fire and suddenly they're between the anomaly and the creature.

The creature screams and leaps. Becker grabs her or maybe she grabs him. Jess hears Matt yell.

Then all she can hear was the sound of their bodies sliding down a very long slope. Gravel bites into her skin, her palms, her legs. They land on dusty ground and all Jess can hear then is the frantic beating of her heart and the heavy breathing of Becker sprawled next to her.

* * *

“We have to get back up to the anomaly,” Becker says.

Jess looks up the steep slope, cliff face, actually and says, “I don’t think we can go back the way we came.”

“No,” Becker says. “We can’t.”

They start to walk.

* * *

“You…”

Jess stares at the back of Becker’s head. “’You’—what?”

“Nothing. Tell me if you need a rest.”

They continue to walk. Jess ignores the rubbing of her hardly-ever-worn trainers against her heels and simply hopes the anomaly will still be open when they reach the summit.

It isn’t.

* * *

“No.” Jess stares at the empty expanse. She knows they were in the correct place, she can see the tracks of the creature from earlier, as well as the trail of disturbed gravel and dirt from where they fell over the side.

“Shit,” Becker says. “Shit!”

“They’ll re-open it,” Jess says quickly. “I mean…they know we’re here. They have to re-open it!” Her voice is getting shrill and she doesn’t know how to stop it.

Becker looks at her, frustration, anger and sympathy warring for position on his face.

“They may be unable to,” he says calmly. He swallows hard and clutches his EMD to his chest.

“Unable to--?”

“Jessica,” he says meeting her eyes. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“I know that!” she says nearly stamping her foot. “You think I don’t know that? Burton--”

She snaps her mouth shut at the look on Becker’s face. “Oh, god. Do you-- Was this—“

“Not an accident?” He fills in the blank kindly. He looks in the direction of where the anomaly should have been. “I honestly don’t know.”

* * *

They stay next to where the anomaly was, Becker at attention, eyes sharp as he scans the landscape. Jess sits on the ground, thankful for her choice of trousers and trainers that she hurriedly thrown on before heading out. She watches the landscape, but no doubt not as perceptibly as Becker.

It’s pretty, if one was being honest. They’re on the edge of a small plain that is surrounded by a thick forest. The cliff they fell off of actually lines a river that rushes and rolls. The trees look lush and green and vines snake their way up even the thickest trunk. Every now and then a shriek or a whistle drifts towards them. Jess straightens up and Becker tightens his grip on the EMD.

The sun begins to dip in the sky and he finally says, “We need to find shelter for the night.”

It was on the tip of Jess’ tongue to protest, but the section they’re on is too open and she knows better than to argue. Not when they have no way of knowing whether or not the anomaly will re-open. And not when Becker has that look on his face.

* * *

They take shelter in a hollowed out tree not too far from the plain. Jess’ stomach rumbles, as does Becker’s. They smile at each other awkwardly and hunker down; Becker crouched down slightly in front of her, EMD still primed and ready.

Jess rests her head against the damp bark, determinedly not thinking about prehistoric wood lice and closes her eyes.

Neither of them sleep.

* * *

“We can’t just sit around,” Becker says the following morning as they walked back to the anomaly’s spot. The sun is barely peeking over the tops of the trees, but neither of them had felt like faking sleep any longer. “We’ve got to make or find provisions and water.”

“They’ll re-open it,” Jess says. “They have to.”

“Jess, we have to be prepared in case they don’t,” he says.

“Fine, you be prepared for that,” Jess says. “I’ll be prepared to hold out a little bit of hope.”

“Hope?” he repeats turning suddenly and glaring at her. “Really, Jessica? _Hope_?”

Jess lifts her chin. “Yes.”

A muscle in his jaw clenches. He opens his mouth to undoubtedly yell at her, but she cuts him off.

“If this is where you yell because you’re frustrated and angry and scared, go ahead. I imagine I’ll want my turn later.”

She has actually caught him off guard because he just blinks at her, the wind taken out of his sails and eventually he lets out a laugh.

“Fine,” he says shaking his head. “Let’s find fresh water and food and then we can yell at each other until we lose our voices.” He takes a step towards her and she has to tilt her head to maintain eye contact. “And you hold onto that hope, but don’t be disappointed in me if I don’t. Okay?”

“Okay,” she says holding out her hand.

He actually smirks as he shakes it.

* * *

Fresh water isn’t hard to find. The river below the small plain is fresh and cool. Jess wonders about parasites, but the sun is too hot to be picky.

Down by the edge of the river, they sit in the shade and take stock of what scant supplies they actually possess.

One EMD, one flare, two energy bars, one Swiss army knife, one lighter, one small Maglite torch, two mobiles, two little black boxes, a pack of chewing gum, some spare change, a few plasters, a pen and a small notebook.

It’s not that bad considering, but then again it’s not that great either.

“We need to find a proper shelter,” Becker says standing up. “I’ll have a quick look around. You stay here.”

“Oh, no, you don’t!” Jess says springing to her feet. “We do this together.”

“Jessica,” he says with a sigh.

“What if you get hurt? What if I get hurt?” she says poking him in the chest. “We will explore this area _together_.”

The same look from earlier descends on his face and Jess thinks he’s going to finally yell at her. But it clears away and he hangs his head.

“Fine,” he says. “But you will listen to me and if I give you an order, you follow it or I will find a way to tie you to a tree. Understood?”

“Yes, captain. Understood,” she says smartly snapping off a salute.

He laughs softly and asks, “What am I going to do with you?”

“Whatever you want to,” she replies just as softly. “Just don’t leave me behind.”

* * *

They’re a little surprised that they don’t run across any more animals as they explore the area around the river and the forest on the cliff, and instead of being reassured, they’re unsettled. But, they get on with the task of creating a living space for what they hope will be a short stay.

The hollowed out tree isn’t a bad idea and staying close to the anomaly’s site and the water is desirable. Becker makes a few adjustments and there is more of an opening, making it easier to get out of and make a run for it should the need arise.

There are fish of sorts in the river and Jess remembers camping with her uncle and cousins and sets about making a spit over a small fire. Becker stands at attention not too far away, eyes forever scanning the tree line. But nothing emerges.

They eat fish that tastes surprisingly good and still feel unsettled.

“It’s possible we’ve landed in an area that has very few predators,” Jess says turning the fish. “The one that came through was an herbivore according to Abby.”

“I’d rather not take the chance and let down our guard,” he says. “I’ll stay on watch.”

“I can help with that,” she reminds him. He doesn’t say anything and Jess knows this may be a point of contention.

“We’ll explore more tomorrow,” Becker says after a long pause.

Jess thinks she sleeps a little and is positive Becker doesn’t.

* * *

Jess freaks out on the fourth day.

It just hits her as she’s watching him scale a tree to see what he can see from above. She’s holding the EMD like she’s been trained and it just hits her.

“Oh, god,” she says dully.

“What?” he asks absently as he pulls himself up onto a branch.

“Oh, god.”

“Jess, what is it?”

He’s looking down at her now.

“I can’t do this.” She looks up at him and sort of holds the EMD up and away from her. “I can’t do this!”

He frowns and looks confused. Then understanding dawns. “Yes, you can.”

“No. No, I really can’t,” she says matter-of-factly. “I’m a field _coordinator_ , not a field _operator_. I have a degree in computer science from the London School of Economics for pity’s sake. The closest you get to life and death is during debate but the worst thing those posh blokes could do is tear you apart using their logic not their _teeth_. I’m not military or, or, or _badass_ like Abby is. I’m not a badass, Becker!”

“I think you’re pretty badass,” he says as he lowers himself down out of the tree.

“Well, that’s because you’re being polite and trying to calm me down, but I know that you know that I can’t do this,” she says. He jumps the last bit and comes to stand in front of her. “Becker, I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can, Jessica,” he says. “Do you know why?”

“Why?” she asks warily really wanting to believe him.

“Because you have to,” he says simply. “Because I need you to.”

She just stares at him and he stares back.

“Really?” she asks and oh she hates how small her voice sounds.

“Really.” His voice is strong and firm.

Jess lets out a shuddery breath and nods. “Right. Okay. I can do this. I _can_ do this.”

“Of course you can,” he says. He reaches out a hand and covers hers which is still trembling on the EMD.

“Of course I can.” She twists her hand around so that she can grasp onto his and she gives him a smile. This seems to reassure him and he squeezes her hand.

“Now, I’m going to go back up there and see what I can see. Okay?”

“Okay,” she says with a nod, letting go of his hand, but making a fist trying to retain some of the warmth it had give her. “You can freak out though, you know. If you’d like to. I don’t mind.”

He grins and says, “I think I’m okay, but thanks for the offer.” He turns and head back up the tree.

* * *

Becker freaks out on the twelfth day.

His freak out includes a lot of yelling and stomping and several branches get broken in the process.

He lets Jess talk him down, which she considers progress.

* * *

They establish a bit of a routine by the third week. They have three separate places for resting and only go to the river when they need water and to wash. Washing is pretty much just splashing water on their faces and hands. Jess sometimes dips her head under the water to wet her hair, which she then pulls back and puts into a tight braid.

She catches Becker watching her one day just as she lifts her head out of the river and her hair is hanging down in wet sections dampening the front and back of her shirt. His eyes are focused on her neckline and the flush that steals over her takes her by surprise. He meets her gaze and holds it for a moment and she thinks her heart might just burst. Then he coughs and looks away.

She’s left feeling bereft of all things for the rest of the day.

* * *

They sleep curled next to each other, but not quite touching. Jess can feel the heat of his body just inches away as he keeps watch and longs to just wrap her arms around him, but never does.

When she’s on watch and he manages to fall asleep she spends a good portion of her time telling herself how inappropriate it would be to smooth out the furrows in his brow.

One night, she wakes up mortified to find that she has done what she’d always longed to do and is curled up against him, one of her hands resting on his chest just above his heart. He’s just watching the horizon and has one arm wrapped around her shoulders, the EMD in his other hand.

When she goes on watch, he wordlessly lays his head on her thigh and she rests a hand in his hair.

They never mention it during the day.

* * *

To be honest, they don’t talk much. Conversation is pretty limited to the essentials and one entire day goes by before Jess realises they haven’t exchanged more than a few sentences.

This bothers her more than the sunburn she’s getting on her nose.

Although that hurts quite a bit, too.

* * *

On the thirtieth day, Jess finds a plant that resembles aloe and exclaims happily. She holds out her hand for Becker’s knife and eagerly slices a thick leaf at the base. Then she carefully slides the knife along the edge and gel seeps out almost immediately. Jess cleans off the knife and hands it back to Becker.

“This is definitely aloe,” she says. “You can smell it. The gel is ideal for burns and abrasions. So we have to put some on that burn you got the other day from the fire. I don’t think you can eat it, sadly, but it’s still a very good find.”

She reaches over a plucks a large waxy leaf off a neighbouring plant and starts to scrape the gel out of the aloe leaf. “I actually read somewhere that it can help with heartburn, but I don’t know if that’s only in the later species so it’s probably best if we don’t try it. Of course, it’s not like we’re eating kebabs on a daily basis, so...”

She trails off when she sees him smiling at her in a way he hasn’t done in ages.

“So, there you are,” he says quietly.

“Umm, here I am?” she says.

“I haven’t heard you, you know...” He gestures at her mouth.

“Babble incoherently?” she offers.

He chuckles. “Yeah, something like that.”

She smiles a bit ruefully and continues to mix the gel together.

“I’ve missed it.” Becker says this so quietly she almost doesn’t hear him. Jess raises her head and looks at him.

“So have I,” she says. She purses her lips. “This can’t go on. Us not _talking_.”

“We talk,” he says. She merely looks at him until he sighs. “All right. We don’t talk.”

“It’s been thirty days,” she says hesitantly. “And while I still believe we’ll get back, I do know that we have to establish a life of sorts while we’re here. And that means us. Talking and still being ourselves. At least as much as we can.” She bites her lip. “I mean, well, that’s what I think, anyways.”

Becker nods. “You’re right. As usual. So, what do you suggest?”

Jess takes his hand that still has a decent-sized blister on the back of it and applies a glob of aloe directly to it. Becker clears his throat as she gently rubs the aloe over the burn.

“I think,” she says as she rubs, “that we should have at least one conversation a day that is composed of something totally trivial. Like favourite movies or books or whatever. What do you think?”

She raises her head and is almost startled by how close his face is to hers. He’s got quite the beard growing and her fingers itch to see if it’s soft or bristly. He looks at the burn that’s already losing some of its redness and then back at her. He gives her a small smile.

“I think that once again, you, Jess Parker, are brilliant,” he says.

The smile she gives him is the biggest she’s cracked in thirty days.

* * *

“It’s sort of pretty.”

“Strangely enough, yes, yes it is.”

They’re sitting near the edge of the cliff watching the sun go down over the trees. Becker has the EMD at the ready as usual, but they still haven’t had any encounters of the bloodthirsty kind, but no one’s going to get complacent.

The sun is wonderfully orange and the golden light is gliding over the tops of the trees and it strikes Jess as one of the most beautiful things she’s ever seen.

“At least it’s not the Badlands,” she says. “All that sand.”

Becker chuckles. “True. I had my share of sand in Afghanistan. This...” Jess looks over at him looking at the sunset.

“This is better,” he says at last.

* * *

“Come on, let’s hear it,” he says on day forty-three. “Everyone has a talent, what’s yours?”

They’ve just finished their daily ‘patrol’ through the woods and have just eaten some fruit that so far has proven to be delicious and not sick-making.

Jess makes a face. “Ugh. Fine. I can tap dance.”

Becker’s face lights up. “No way!”

“Yep,” she says. “I took it all through primary and secondary school. I stopped when I went to uni.”

“Well, go on then,” he says waving a hand. “Give us a performance.”

“No! Absolutely not,” she says as primly as one can in filthy clothes and tangled hair.

“Jess,” he says in his captain voice.

She sighs. “Fine. But no laughing! You have to promise.”

He solemnly makes a cross over his heart and then grins. “Come on. Let’s have it.”

Jess grits her teeth and stands up a few feet away. She thinks for a moment and then starts with a simple shuffle ball change that leads to a backwards brush and a Cincinnati time step, then adds a few brushes and stomps. She finishes off with a quick spin and a flourish of her hands.

Becker smiles widely and claps. Jess doffs her invisible top hat in his direction and then giggles.

“Your turn,” she says. “What can you do?”

“Uh, well, I can juggle,” he says sheepishly.

Jess’s eyes widen and she holds out her hands for the EMD. “Show!”

He shakes his head as he hands her the gun, the handle is warm from his grip and Jess holds it with confidence. Becker scouts the ground for some appropriate juggling balls and came up with three pinecone-ish looking things.

Jess sits up straight and Becker gives her an arch look, then deftly starts to juggle. Jess can’t stop the grin from forming on her face as she watches him concentrate on juggling the ‘pinecones’. He does it perfectly for a full minute and then catching them all in his hands, he gives her a deep bow.

Jess claps delightedly. “Perfect! I’m truly impressed.”

“Thank you, thank you,” he says throwing the pinecones over his shoulder and taking the EMD from her. They smile kind of stupidly at each other for a while before he looks away. “Best be heading on.”

Jess sighs and stands up, brushing off the back of her extremely worn-out jeans.

They head back towards the cliff and the river.

“Can you do anything else?” he asks.

“Well, you know the movie _The Breakfast Club_?” she asks biting her lip.

“Ye-ah.”

“You know that thing Molly Ringwald does with her lipstick?”

“Un huh.” He stops and stares at her. “No.”

“I’m afraid so,” she says blinking innocently at him.

“You can-- With your--” He makes a gesture at her chest and Jess glares. “Wow. I think this is something I’m going to have to see at some point.”

“Only if you’re very, very nice to me,” she says starting to walk again.

“Oh, I will be,” he says walking next to her. He bends his head close to hers and says in a low voice next to her ear, “I promise.”

Jess shivers at the sound of his voice and he pulls away quickly and surges to walk ahead of her.

They walk in silence for several metres.

“What about you? What else can you do?” she finally asks.

He doesn’t answer and Jess thinks that maybe he’s not going to, when he says, “I can make the best omelette this side of the Channel.”

“Really?” Jess asks.

“It’s all in the way you whisk,” he says.

“I think I’ll need to see this to believe it,” she says, her heart in her throat.

There’s another silence and then he says, “It’s a date.”

She’s glad he can’t see her beaming at his back because she’s now sure that she’s not the only one holding onto hope.

* * *

They realise they’ve become a bit complacent on day sixty-eight when the shelter they built in the hollowed out tree is ransacked in their absence.

“We should have been expecting this,” Becker says as he kicks at the fallen branches and examines the tracks left in the soft ground. “We can’t stay in the area anymore. They’ll have picked up on our scent.”

“They may not be carnivorous,” Jess says.

“Doesn’t matter,” he says abruptly. “A stegosaurus can still do some serious damage when it’s angry. We’ll head south, down the river.”

“Away from the anomaly?” she asks. “Becker--”

“We have no choice, Jessica,” he says loudly turning to face her. His eyes are serious and they bore into hers. She looks away, knowing he’s right and she’s abruptly filled with anger. Anger at the stupid animal that destroyed their shelter. Anger at Burton and his machinations. Anger at herself for being stuck in this time. And anger at him for being right and so close to her and yet still so very far away. She feels like she’s going to choke on her anger that she has to turn away from him, hugging her mid-section and ordering herself not to cry.

She feels him approach her and she holds up a hand. “Don’t! I know, it’s okay, but just-- Don’t.”

He’s standing so close to her that if she let herself lean back she’d rest against his chest. But, she knows that if he touches her right now she’ll do something dumb, like cry or scream or kiss him. So when she feels him place a hand on her shoulder she stiffens so tightly her spine hurts.

He drops his hand and moves away.

“It’s not like we’re abandoning the area completely,” he says. “We’ll check back every other day or so.”

She just nods sharply.

“We need to get going,” he says.

So they do.

* * *

They have a close encounter with a dinosaur on day seventy-three.

It comes barrelling through the forest they’ve been exploring and Becker grabs Jess’s hand and they run in the opposite direction. They have no idea what it is or if it’s even after them, but it sounds big and big branches are snapping as it tramples them.

They burst into a copse of thick trees and with a quick pull and spin, Becker darts behind one of them, shoving Jess against the trunk. His body covers hers and she opens her mouth to say something, but his hand lands on her mouth, quietening her.

The dinosaur is still rapidly approaching.

Becker is pressed tightly up against her, his thighs bracketing hers and his hand is still over her mouth. She feels completely surrounded and protected by him and yet so very vulnerable. All of the attraction that she’s been suppressing comes rushing into her body. Her nerves sing and pulse at the feel of him and the adrenalin from running changes quickly from fear to lust. Jess is dizzy with the sensation of his nearness.

The sound turns out to be a large rodent-like creature that eventually ambles past their hiding place. Becker relaxes and looks down at her. His hand is still across her mouth and he looks like he’s about to make a joke or laugh it off, but he meets her eyes and falters. She knows he’s seen the lust in her eyes and she wants to be embarrassed but she’s too shaken.

He slowly removes his hand, letting his fingers slide over her lips which part. His eyes have gone dark and his jaw has tightened.

Becker leans in. Just a fraction. And she feels it. The tightness in his muscles, the pulse jumping in his throat.

He wants her, too.

They stand there, staring at each other, bodies pressed together. Until he finally swallows and takes a step back.

They walk out of the copse of trees and don’t say anything.

* * *

They try to continue their daily conversations about nothing at all, but words are sticking in their throats and they stop trying.

She still curls up around him at night and he still rests his head in her lap.

* * *

The tension snaps on day eighty-four.

He yells at her because she’s forgotten the water skin they’d made. She left right beside the stump where she’d stopped to adjust her shoes.

This is her fault. She is perfectly happy to accept the blame and go back and get it. But he’s not finished.

“It was stupid, Jess!” he says angrily. “I can’t believe you were this careless.”

Tears sting in her eyes, but she’ll be damned if she lets them fall. “I’ve already apologised and I’m going to go back for it,” she says through gritted teeth, “what else do you want me to do?”

“We’re going to lose valuable time,” he says coming to loom over her. “We’re not going to make it back to the shelter before nightfall. Damn it, Jess!”

“Yes! I know! It’s my fault and I’m sorry!” she says stepping right up into his space, her head falling back to meet his eyes. “Again, what do you want me to do about it?”

He leans into her and opens his mouth to yell again and freezes. She’s watching him very closely so she sees precisely when the anger transforms into something else entirely. The air around them seems to tighten and she watches his eyes fall to her lips, then to her throat and then back up to her eyes. She’s honest to god trembling with want and anger and knows that if he doesn’t touch her soon she’s going to burn up from the inside.

His hand reaches up and he lets the pad of his index finger trace down the side of her face and along her jaw. Her lips part and her hand comes up to rest on his abdomen which jumps under her touch.

And then he’s gone, whirling away his back to her. Jess actually stumbles.

“We’ll just have to make do with the one water skin,” he says tightly. “Come on.”

He starts to walk away and Jess finds her voice. “No.”

He stops. “Jess.”

“I said ‘no’,” she says coming to stand right behind him. “We’re not ignoring this anymore.”

“Yes, we are,” he says firmly.

“No, we’re not.”

“Jessica--”

“Do you want me?” she asks.

He chokes and turns around. “What?”

“Do you want me?” she repeats.

“Jess, please,” he says closing his eyes and looking pained.

“I want you,” she says. His eyes fly open. She’s seriously shaking at this point, with either anger or lust or sheer determination, she’s not quite sure which one, but she keeps going. “I do. I want you to kiss me and to touch me and to not stop. And I think you want me too. Whether it’s because of proximity or because you just do, I know you think about it and I just know that I want you, too.”

He’s still staring at her and she’s beginning to feel like a prize idiot. She’s about to just turn and run far, far away when he breaks the silence.

“Jessica, once I start kissing you, I’m not going to be able to stop,” he says slowly almost as though he can’t believe he’s saying it.

Heat flares inside of her again and she says, “I thought I said that I wouldn’t want you to stop.”

And then he’s kissing her. His hands are framing her face and his mouth is covering hers. She makes a noise, sharp and needy in the back of her throat and fists her hands in his t-shirt. His tongue roughly traces the seam of her lips and she opens for him immediately. He backs her up against a tree and wedges his thigh in between hers and she lets out a cry that’s swallowed by his kiss.

His body feels hot and strong pressed against her and it’s exquisite. She shifts her hips against his thigh and he groans into her mouth when her own thigh brushes his erection.

She’s lost control of her mouth and is kissing him with a kind of abandon she’s never felt before. She can taste him and the fruit they’d eaten earlier and salt...

Salt?

Gradually, she realises that she’s crying, her tears seeping into their mouths. Becker pulls his mouth from hers and rests his forehead against hers as she hitches a breath.

The desperation and lust drains out of both of them.

“Oh, Jess,” he says so gently his hands still cradling her face. “You deserve so much better than this.”

“No,” she whispers, shaking her head. “No, we both do.”

He lets out a shaky sigh of his own and lets one of the hands on her face slide down to entwine with hers then presses a chaste kiss to her mouth.

Without another word, they head off into the forest towards the shelter, Jess’s hand held tightly in his.

* * *

Later that night, Jess lays in the shelter they’ve constructed in a small outcropping of stones. Becker crouched down a few feet away staring out into the forest. The night time sounds of leaves rustling in the breeze and the occasional whistle or cry are now familiar and Jess is not afraid.

She’s not afraid.

The realisation strikes her and she sits up, her jacket that she’d been using for a blanket falls away.

No matter what happens now, if they’re rescued or not, if they die tomorrow or in fifty years, Jess Parker is not afraid of death.

In fact, the only thing she’s afraid of is letting something amazing and precious pass her by.

She gets to her feet.

Becker looks up as she comes to stand in front of him. He makes to speak, but she places her fingers over his lips. He blinks and says nothing.

Once she’s sure he isn’t going to talk, she takes off her shirt. His jaw slackens as he looks up at her, her skin glowing faintly in the dim moonlight.

She undoes her jeans and pushes them off and stands in front of him clad in only her tatty bra and knickers.

In the low light, she can tell he’s breathing heavily and yet she feels absolutely sure about this. Placing her hands on his shoulder, she straddles his lap and lowers herself down. His hands instinctively come to rest on her hips and the feel of his warm and callused palms on her skin is heavenly.

“We still deserve better,” she says to him. “But I also know that I want you and this isn’t me settling or scratching an itch.” His eyes are dark as they stare into hers. “This is me, Jess Parker, wanting to share myself with you, Hilary Becker. May I do that?” she asks.

“I’d be honoured,” he says his voice breaking slightly.

Jess smiles brilliantly and he smiles back. Then she’s leaning in and he’s leaning in and they’re kissing. Traces of the desperation from earlier are still present and there is the underlying reality that they cannot take their time, but there is something true and gentle in the way they touch each other.

His mouth kisses trails of heat down the side of her throat and when he gets to her breast her bra is shoved aside as he closes his lips over her. Jess’s head falls back as he licks and suckles. Her hips have already begun to rock on top of his. Her hands go to the hem of his shirt and she pulls it up and off of him, splaying her hands flat on his chest and tracing the lines of muscles and ribs that are more pronounced than they ever have been. He fits his own hands in the notches between her ribs and his mouth finds hers. Between them, they manage to undo his trousers and push them down enough for her to rest on his erection. His hands lift her up and her knickers are pushed to one side and Jess slowly lowers herself onto him.

He groans into her mouth as she gasps and closes her eyes. It’s tight and she has never felt this full in her life. She breaks her mouth away to suck in air and he buries his face into the crook of her neck and shoulder. His hands guide her hips into a rhythmic rocking. Jess’s hands are gripping his shoulders and he’s murmuring her name against skin.

Her rocking quickens and she’s close, and oh, it’s too fast, and yet not fast enough and oh, she’s almost there and his mouth is sucking on her neck and his hands feel so good on her skin and she wants it to last forever and she wants it to stop because it’s too much and not enough and...

She lets out a broken gasp and her body clenches around him and just as she’s coming back down, he groans her name as his hips stutter against hers.

They remain entwined on the ground, their shelter on one side, the forest on the other.

Only when Becker’s knees start to protest do they untangle themselves.

Then once they’ve put their clothes back on do they sit next to each other in the shelter facing the forest, Becker’s arm around Jess’s shoulder. His fingers are lazily trailing up and down her arm.

At one point his fingers stop and he says, “We didn’t use anything.”

Jess is puzzled and then realises what he’s saying. “I have an IUD,” she tells him. “Every woman at the ARC is entitled to them. Sort of a cross between a perk and a safeguard.”

He relaxes slightly. “Oh, right, well then,” he says briskly.

Jess is stuck with the urge to giggle at his utter maleness and presses a kiss to where his beard stops on his neck.

He turns to press a kiss to the top of her head. His mouth resting on her hair, he says, “We probably shouldn’t do that again. It’s too dangerous.”

“You’re probably right,” she says.

So they don’t.

* * *

Until the next day when he holds her up against a tree trunk and pushes into her while her legs are wrapped around his hips.

* * *

They’re rescued on day ninety-nine.

* * *

A team led by Matt and Abby find them just as they’re walking up the summit for their usual spot check on the anomaly sight.

Everyone sort of stops and stares at each other until Matt eventually breaks with a cheeky grin and an equally cheeky, “Nice beard, mate. Haven’t you ever heard of personal grooming?”

Then Abby is running towards Jess and they’re hugging and Jess is laughing and Becker is laughing as Matt gives him a one-armed hug. Abby lets go of Jess and Matt steps in to give her a hug that lifts her off her feet. She sees Becker’s expression change and he takes a threatening step forward, but catches himself and looks away. An oblivious Matt sets her back down and Jess tries to catch Becker’s eyes, but he isn’t looking at her. Jess turns away and sees Abby staring at her with a look of understanding on her face.

“We should probably get our things,” Becker says with a cough. “Tear down our shelters. Make sure there’s no trace of us, that sort of thing.”

“We can do that for you,” Matt says. “You two go on and get back.”

“No,” Jess says. “It’s our mess; we should be the ones to clean it up.”

Abby nods and forestalls any other arguments. “Makes sense. Lead the way.”

Becker and Jess take off in the lead and Jess is surprised to realise that the last three months have made her just that much heartier than the rest of the team as they struggle to keep up with Becker and her.

Along the way, Matt explains that it had been Burton’s intention to slowly break up the team by dividing loyalties and if that meant someone going through an anomaly, then so be it. They hadn’t been allowed to look for Becker and Jess until the day before.

“How long has it been for you two?” Matt asks.

“Ninety-nine days,” Jess says promptly.

“Christ,” Matt says.

“It’s only been a week for us,” Abby says.

Becker and Jess exchange a look and she desperately wants to hold his hand, but there are people with them and the rules seem to have changed and she doesn’t know what they are.

A feeling akin to dread pools in her stomach.

* * *

They step through the anomaly into the ARC. The artificial light makes Jess blink and she falters slightly, Matt moves to steady her, but Becker is already there, his hand strong and sure and welcome on her lower back.

Connor is there with a big grin on his face and Lester steps forward.

“Welcome back, Captain Becker, Miss Parker,” he says. “I hope you are both well?”

His words are mild, but Jess can see the concern behind them.

“As well as can be expected,” Becker says. “We’re alive.”

And that is the main thing, isn’t it? They’re alive and they’re _home_.

Hell with it. Jess reaches behind her and takes Becker’s hand. It’s stiff at first, then it gentles and he gives her hand a squeeze.

“Well, I’m sure you’d like to freshen up,” Lester says. “We’ll do a debriefing tomorrow. Right now, get yourselves down to medical and then home to rest. Those are orders.”

“How much do you want a shower right now?” Abby asks Jess with a smile.

“Do you even have to ask?” Jess says.

“Come on,” Abby says. “I’ve got some clothes you can change into.”

Jess turns to follow her, but stops and looks at Becker. He’s staring at her and their eyes hold. Then he lets go of her hand.

“Have a nice shower,” he says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and Jess feels like sobbing.

“You too,” she says. Then she turns away because what is she going to do?

She drops her disgusting and filthy clothes on the floor of the locker room and steps into the shower stall. The water hits her skin, freezing cold at first and then hot. She stands there for a second under the spray and that’s when she lets herself cry. Although if you asked her, she wouldn’t have been able to say exactly what she was crying about.

* * *

Her room at the flat she shares with Connor and Abby is a mixture of familiar and unfamiliar. So used to seeing greens and browns, she’s not ready for the pinks and reds and purples. She just stands there blinking for several minutes.

“It gets better,” Abby says behind her. “Everything eventually begins to feel real again. I promise.”

Jess nods. “I know it will. It just...” She reaches out a hand and lets her fingers trace the edge of her dresser.

“Do you want anything?” Abby asks. “Can I get you anything?”

 _Hilary Becker_ , is the first thing that pops into her head. _Hilary Becker in here with his arms around me._

But all she says is, “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

Abby pats her shoulder and leaves, closing the door as she goes.

Jess lies down on her bed on top of the duvet and closes her eyes. She falls asleep instantly.

* * *

She wakes up by sitting up and not recognizing her surroundings, she pulls her knees up to her chest. Her eyes focus and she remembers. The anomaly. Matt and Abby. The ARC. Her room. Home.

It should be reassuring, but it isn’t and something stirs inside of her, restless and pacing.

The clock next to her bed read 3.42 am and she gets up. The smooth floor feels odd against her bare feet as she pads into the living room and stares out of the front window. The urge to feel air on her skin has her turning and walking out the front door. Her bare feet are silent going down the stairs. She’s out the door and breathing in the air of the city noticing at once how much smoggier it is. But, it’s fresher than inside and she walks on the little pavement leading away from the building.

She comes to a sudden stop when she sees movement in front of her. The movement turns out to be a person pushing himself away from the car he was leaning against.

“You’re not wearing shoes.” The sound of Becker’s voice makes her jump. Then she’s running across the distance between them and he’s rushing towards her. Their bodies collide and he’s hugging her so tightly and her arms are around his neck, her face pressed to his neck.

“Please don’t go,” she says.

“Oh, Jess,” he says. “Jess, we have to talk about this.”

She notices that he isn’t letting her go and simply tightens her grip and says, “No, we don’t.”

“Yes, we do,” he says lifting his head and meeting her eyes. “Jess, this job--”

She rolls her eyes. Actually _rolls her eyes_. “I know about this job. I know _all_ about this job. And I accept it _and_ you. So, can we just pretend we’ve had the whole conversation where you attempt to be all noble and self-sacrificing and I eventually sway you over to my way of thinking and you just kiss me already?”

Becker blinks and looks a little affronted. “But, I had a speech planned.”

“And I’m sure it was a very good one,” she says. “But, you know that I’m going to talk you out of whatever noble intentions you have. You do know that, right?”

He sighs. “Yeah, I do.”

“All right, then.” Jess presses her lips to his and after only a moment’s hesitation he’s kissing her back, deeply and fervently.

They ease out of the kiss and just hold each other.

“You owe me an omelette,” Jess says.

“I do, don’t I?” He reaches down and takes her hand and she leads him towards the flat.

“Wait,” he says tugging on her hand. Jess stops and turns. He looks uncertain and eventually says, “I just wanted to say that it was never about proximity for me.” He looks at her and she knows exactly what he’s talking about. He goes on, “It was never just because you were there. It was because I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want you. I have _always_ wanted you, Jessica.”

The restless feeling inside her soul settles down and she smiles.

* * *

He does make the best omelettes this side of the Channel and they eat them in the kitchen standing next to each other.

Abby wanders in at one point, takes one look at them, grins and goes back to her and Connor’s room.

Jess and Becker finish eating and he follows her into her bedroom. They undress each other slowly and it’s so oddly comforting that Jess can’t help grinning. Becker just grins back and winks.

They crawl under her duvet and Jess turns on her side. Becker slides next to her and fits her into the curve of his body.

She breathes in the scent of him and closes her eyes.

Then something occurs to her.

“How long were you waiting outside?” she asks.

“Not long.”

“How long?”

“About a quarter of an hour.”

“A quarter?”

“Maybe more like half,” he says nuzzling her hair.

“That’s a little weird, you do know that, don’t you?” she asks pulling his hands to rest under her chin.

“Go to sleep, Jessica.”

She closes her eyes again. Then opens them after a few minutes.

“Just so you know, I plan on waking you up and making love with you in the morning,” she says matter-of-factly.

Silence.

“Keep saying things like that and things might get started well before morning,” he says after a while.

Jess smiles and she’s asleep within minutes.

* * *

It’s actually Becker that wakes her up at 5.45 am by kissing down the length of her spine. Afterwards, they fall back asleep, sweat cooling on their bodies.

* * *

Jess wakes them back up at 7.50 am.


End file.
